Lapses

Whoops. Sometimes time swoops by more quickly than I realise. I need to keep up with writing every day though.

It kinda feels like sometimes I’ve composed something in my head but I haven’t actually written it down.

I’ll get to it, I’m sure.

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In her lifetime

The kid’s best friend stayed over, and I brought them to the National Museum today. They surprised me by asking to see the Survivng Syonan gallery, which is basically about the war years when the Japanese occupied Singapore.

And as they sit and watch illustrated first hand accounts of what life was like that that time, I have one thought in my mind.

I pray and hope that they never ever have to experience anything like this.

Because with the way the world is turning out, sometimes it feels like even war won’t be the worst they they’ll have to face.

Write Now

I’ve realised that I’ve said this before, but it’s time to get down to writing more. So I’m making an effort to get something written down every day. Whether it’s just a couple of sentences or a whole epic tale (highly unlikely), this is something that I’d really like to do from now on.

Please, feel free to nag and berate me if I don’t keep up with it.

It’s the way you make me feel

This post popped up on my social media feed recently, from The Artidote. And I love it, because it encompasses what I’ve been saying for so many years.

“But I’m just being honest!”

That’s right. You are JUST being honest. You are not being compassionate, or considerate, or thoughtful, or loving, or polite, or even pleasant. Just. Honest.

There are times when someone has to deliver an unpleasant truth. There may even be times when that person is the “just being honest” fanatic. But so much more often, unvarnished honesty is unnecessary, unkind, and unwarranted, and a little thought put into the delivery of the message would go such a long way toward making it valuable and constructive feedback rather than a shattering blow that can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

—Unknown, Most people who insist on being “brutally honest” enjoy the brutality much more than the honesty.

 

I find it hard to believe that some people truly think that by ‘just being honest’ that they’re doing the other person a favour. One of the things that I learnt from my previous therapist was that anytime you have an interaction with someone, anytime you say something, or do something, you’re looking for a reaction. There is no such thing as ‘saying it for the sake of saying it’. If you’re doing that, then you’re not trying to create something meaningful and productive, you’re just being a blunt asshole because you don’t care about the other person’s feelings or reactions. Or more to the point, you’re not really caring about the other person at all.

Now, here’s something that most blunt assholes don’t realise –  and you’ll know who they are cos they’ll be the ones saying ‘it just doesn’t pay to be honest’ or ‘I guess that means I can’t say what I want to say’ – is that everything is all in how you say it.

I’ll repeat that. Everything is in how you say it, and not on what you’re saying.

There’s ‘God, your clothes are getting so shabby, you’re starting to look homeless.’ versus ‘Hey, you must love these pieces a lot but it looks like that’s taking a toll on ’em! Wanna go pick up more basics to add to your wardrobe?’

There’s ‘*Grabs your stomach rolls and wiggles them* You really need to start losing this.’ versus ‘Have you had much time to do exercise since the baby was born? I know a couple of websites that are great for some quick and easy exercises you can get done throughout the day.’

Acting like a blunt asshole means two things – what you want to actually say is lost, because the only thing the other person is feeling is hurt. They’ve stopped listening to what your message is, because why should they? It doesn’t make them feel good, and you’ve basically shown you don’t care. And it just proves you’re a blunt asshole.

So the next time you have something you need to say to someone, just stop and think – if someone else was saying the same thing to you, what sort of a reaction would you have? You’ll be surprised (or not), to find out that those who are ‘just being honest’ are the ones who can’t take that honesty when it’s given back to them.

Insert title here

It’s been a while since I updated on here. I’d offer excuses and explanation but really, I don’t owe anyone any of that either. I just felt like maybe I wanted a space to let some thoughts out.

I’d love to say that most of my thoughts and entries are profound. And there are some instances where I feel like I want to write more. I have random thoughts in my head that kind of just drift in and out. Some are quite interesting, and I’d love for them to have a permanent home somewhere. Sometimes they disappear before I get a chance to do that.

And sometimes really (okay most times really) my head is just filled with bad jokes and clever puns. Usually quite NSFW.

As vintage as it gets 

This is my grandmother’s pearl ring, which I absolutely love. I have a bit of an old soul, and I can spend hours looking at vintage jewellery designs because I think they’re absolutely fascinating. There’s a very sophisticated air about vintage jewellery without any of the ostentatiousness that you find with pieces nowadays. Some people go for as large a rock as possible, surrounded by as much bling as they can get. But… There’s no real personality in that. In fact, I don’t even believe in buying real diamonds. But that’d a conversation for another day. 

I wore this ring to a cousin’s wedding, after having borrowed it from my mom. And I can’t wait to find the chance to wear it again. 

The constant (and willing) state of pain 

I have been in a constant state of pain since about Chinese New Year in February. And I have to admit – I’m enjoying it.

I’ve had a battle with my fitness for a while now, and always had the usual excuses. Not enough time, too busy with work and the kid. Too expensive. Too lazy. Too tired. Not enough time. I blamed time a lot, could you tell?

But then, as I kept researching and finding different ways to try and get fit (even as my infatuation with running eventually turned to dismay as I got lazier and less motivated with it), I realised the only solution was one that could afford me some sort of flexibility but still well and truly kick my ass.

So, I hired a personal trainer. Actually, I hired Simon Pink Fitness.

Now I know the notion of a personal trainer seems very indulgent. But after working out the costs, it’s pretty much the same as joining a gym and getting a personal trainer there. Except in this case, Simon comes to my place and our sessions are scheduled according to my convenience – there are some days where I can’t make it, so we switch to another day, no problem. And that gave me no more excuses, and I had to do it.

Simon is an unfailingly cheerful man, which is good when you’re up at ungodly hours getting your ass kicked. Most times I feel like I’m about to die halfway through the session, but at the end of it I always feel stronger and better. He uses a combination of TRX ropes, elastic bands, skipping ropes and kettle bells (I hate those things) for the workouts, and every week is always something different, which I like.

It’s been about six months since I started, and I know my body is leaner and fitter. I can easily plank for more than a minute now before my arms start to shake, where before I think I’d have only lasted ten seconds. I’d show you some before and after shots, but I never did any because I’m not that sort. I don’t need a picture to know how much better my body is feeling. Also my goal was never about weight, it was about my health (the weight loss is an added bonus).

Also there’s no picture of me during a session because I’m too busy getting my ass kicked, and I always look a sweaty mess.

So it’s been six months. And this was probably be best decision I’ve made for me in a long time.

[I told Simon I was going to do a review. He said he wanted a 19 word one, so this is the TL;DR version – I got fit by hiring Simon. He kicks my ass. I love it and hate it. Best decision ever.]